I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
