He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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