Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
