Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
