cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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