I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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