i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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