You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
