my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I'm too high and old for this...
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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