I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
