I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
