I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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