4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Randomize
