i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
