I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
This is the prime rib incident all over again
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
