I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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