I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
