She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
