brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
