You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
