I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
