This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
