Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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