do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
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