You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
