I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Randomize
