I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Randomize
