Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
