I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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