put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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