i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
