I wish I could teleport
Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
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