he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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