Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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