while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize