there's paper in my vomit.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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