i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
