If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
