Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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