i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
It's no shave November. This is our time.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
