don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
