Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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