I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
