But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
