she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
When are your genitals available?
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
