is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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