people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
