And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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