I got chris browned last night
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
It's blow job season.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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