Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
