Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
should my penis look like a turkey
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
