Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
