I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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