i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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