CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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