Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
