Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
