So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Randomize
