great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize