i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Randomize
