Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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