I bet he comes in French.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Be still, my beating vagina.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
