It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
True strength comes from lack of pants
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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