He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
