His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
you will always have a special place in my vag
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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