I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
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