I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize
