Can Purell be used as lube?
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
