I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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